Satanic Panic review: A modern take on classic horror with strained results

Satanic Panic feels like it has been ripped straight out of 1984. Top-to-bottom, its style and design are products of a bygone era – from the guitar-shredding, neon-drenched title card, to the over-exposed, bright-red gore splattered throughout its runtime. While in essence these long-forgotten features may be perceived as limitations of the film’s quality, its constant homage to horror movies of old allow it to become a memorable film – even if its plot isn’t.

Satanic Panic follows Sam Craft (played by Hayley Griffith), a down-on-her-luck pizza deliverer who is saving every penny she can get to take a trip to Australia.

So, naturally, when a pizza delivery comes up in the rich part of town, she jumps at the chance of delivering there – even though they are renowned for skimping out on tips.

As if to hit upon every horror trope ever conceived, Sam becomes stranded when her moped runs out of gas, forcing her to investigate the enormous house where she just delivered the pies.

The film wastes almost no time in getting to the action, as Sam stumbles upon a satanic celebration in the garden of her customers.

Satanic Panic review: Horror film doesn't deliver its promise

Satanic Panic review: Horror film doesn’t deliver its promise (Image: GETTY)

Satanic Panic review: Horror film doesn't deliver its promise

Satanic Panic review: Rebecca Romijn plays the villain in the new movie (Image: GETTY)

Thus begins a relentless chain of events which sees Sam fighting off members of the coven, killing them in gruesome and hysterical ways, and getting the hell out of this neighbourhood.

Satanic Panic’s middle portion of the film is entertaining, but certainly by the numbers.

Various obstacles present themselves before being thwarted by the hero, only to culminate in a vastly underwhelming final showdown, which, although was unexpected, was not exactly exciting.

Oddly, a heartbreaking character backstory is injected into the narrative late into the game, and although it’s a nice touch, it doesn’t truly match up to the rest of the film’s tone.

However Satanic Panic isn’t about its plot, but rather the unique and fulfilling experience it brings to viewers.

Satanic Panic review: Horror film doesn't deliver its promise

Satanic Panic review: The horror film has been a treat this Halloween (Image: GETTY)

For example: All of the characters are extremely dumb. By design, neither Sam nor Judi (Ruby Modine) should have survived any of the encounters they were thrust into.

Sam is, in some strange and sacrilegious way, a lot like Evil Dead’s Ash Williams (Bruce Campbell) – a bumbling fool who gets through the hell-filled nightmare they have found themselves in.

Judi, in particular, frequently brags about how stupid Sam is whilst covered in blood, swilling whiskey, and falling victim to some hugely predictable twists – they are stupid, but wildly entertaining.

Satanic Panic also boasts a beautifully clean look, with some decent displays of cinematography, and some frankly impressive instances of practical effects.

The stand out scenes in the film are the death scenes. Outrageous, gory, and hilarious – each attack will simultaneously leave viewers squirming in their seats whilst stifling laughter.

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That isn’t to say the film is without displays of downright grotesqueness, though.

A particularly memorable death involved a character’s heart being pulled out through a hole in their throat, and emoting the Indiana Jones-esque Kali Ma scene – it is not for the faint of heart.

An ’80s inspired horror movie wouldn’t be complete without a slew of eye-rolling one-liners, and thankfully, Satanic Panic has them in their droves.

Many of which are delivered by Danica (Rebecca Romijn), the movie’s antagonist.

As the leader of the coven, Danica is at the forefront of tracking down and killing Sam in various ways available to her.

Although Rebecca plays the perfect moustache-twirling bad guy with a penchant for Satan worship, there isn’t a whole lot to her, and her reasons for diving in to this rat race aren’t completely clear – but perhaps that’s part of the beauty of the film.

Satanic Panic wears its inspirations on its sleeve. It draws forth a classic B-movie feel of the ’80s horror genre, with a focus on gore, nudity, and outrageous circumstances.

These are all redeeming aspects of the film itself, however some of its features simply don’t translate from page to screen well. It was once entertaining having a fool run through a satanic ritual – and certainly still is, in many ways – however when the film is also attempting to tread through a serious backstory, the lines blur quickly.

Comedy, gore, and shock-value are all high in the film’s priorities, but the plot simply isn’t strong enough to leave viewers actually rooting for any of the characters.

This said, the entire film somehow works. It is entertaining, funny, and wonderfully shot. Fans of horror will love almost everything in Satanic Panic, but viewers looking for the in-depth, story-driven horror seen in the likes of Hereditary and The Witch may be left a little disappointed.

Satanic Panic is available to buy on DVD and Blu-Ray now.

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