How divorce can make you better at dating

You might not think it at the time, but there are all kinds of reasons to be positive about your past mistakes if you’re looking to start again. 

Dating after a divorce might seem especially daunting, but it’s important to remember that you’re not alone. 

In the UK, 42 per cent of marriages end in divorce, so there are many single people out there who are hoping to find love for the second time. 

However, research from the Marriage Foundation found that the success rate for second marriages is significantly higher, with 59 per cent of people staying married, with age and experience improving our ability to commit.

Regardless of whether or not another marriage is an appealing prospect, there is plenty for the divorced dater to be optimistic about. 

They’re the ones who have had plenty of practise when it comes to learning how relationships work, so they have lots to be confident about. 

Here’s why a new beginning doesn’t necessarily mean starting all over again.

Commitment doesn’t scare you

Divorced and separated daters have plenty of experience in long-term relationships, so when they meet someone they like, they already have the courage and stamina required to make things work. 

LA-based family therapist Virginia Gilbert explains that divorced daters have less to lose, because once you’ve been through the end of a relationship, you know you can deal with loss or uncertainty. 

The old saying, ‘you’ve been through it once before, you know you can do it again’ is particularly relevant here.  

Divorced daters are much more likely to identify and pursue their goals quickly, instead of playing the waiting game.

You have less time – and more focus

Chances are that when you started dating in your twenties, you felt as though you had all the time in the world. 

However, once you’ve been through a divorce, your priorities shift. You might have a family, a demanding job and other friendships and relationships that require thought and attention. 

Divorced daters are much more likely to approach the task at hand with drive and efficiency, which makes for strong, results-oriented communication. 

Date nights seem extra special

Regardless of your age, status or experience levels, first dates can be nerve-wracking. 

However, if your last relationship ended because of diminishing levels of romance and chemistry, going on dates can be fun, thrilling and confidence-boosting. 

For divorced daters, great dates are especially important – and you’re much more likely to put extra effort into picking a venue, finding an outfit you love and ensuring that the conversation sparkles. 

Most of your deal-breakers are identified

Divorce teaches you a huge amount about human nature. In some ways, it makes you more realistic, compassionate and embracing of your own flaws, and those of others. 

However, as your last relationship ended, you might have discovered that there are certain characteristics and behaviours that you find unbearable – and now that you know that about yourself, you’ll be able to deal with those issues before a relationship begins.

You know who you are

Divorce and separation can be painful, but they are processes which allow you to learn about yourself, and discover what, and who, might make you happy. 

When you meet new people after a divorce, you have the opportunity to be your authentic self. You’re less likely to seek out people who aren’t right for you, and more likely to be drawn to the ones who make you feel happy, confident and at ease. 

Moving Past Divorce author Terry Gaspard explains that when you date after a divorce, you’re doing so with newfound personal clarity. 

He says: “Divorce has taught you what relationship dynamic promotes your best self. A second relationship is an opportunity to approach commitment with your eyes wide open.”

To rediscover dating after a divorce, head to MySingleFriend.com or find out more on MySingleFriend’s social media pages on Facebook @MySingleFriend, Twitter @mysinglefriend, YouTube @mysinglefriend and Instagram @mysinglefriend.

This article is sponsored by MySingleFriend.