Kim Jong-un learned to drive at three – and does not need to use the loo

All citizens are taught that their previous ruler, Kim Jong-il, was born on the summit of a sacred mountain when a new star was created and winter turned to spring. 

In truth the supreme leader was born in a Siberian village in 1941. 

From that incredible birth Kim Jong-il went on to “invent” the Hamburger, calling it “double bread with meat” starting a trend that took on the world. 

Those millions in his own country who could not afford meat should not worry however as they could eat sawdust which he insisted was full of nutrients. 

Shortly before his death in 2011 Kim Jong-il’s signature grey military clothing was being celebrated by the world’s top fashion designers and spreading worldwide at a rate “unprecedented in the world’s history”. 

His son, current leader Kim Jong-un, is no less special according to state media. 

He was a gifted sailor as a youth and learned to drive at the tender age of three. 

Other talents include being a musical prodigy and accomplished artist whose works are famous around the globe. 

In his official biography North Korea’s 25 million people are told humdrum bodily functions are not necessary for him as his body is so well calibrated. 

Despite the country’s dire human rights reputation North Koreans are made to believe that their leaders are beloved in every nation of the Earth and that each celebrates their birthdays. 

But then they are also told that the internet is a “fabrication invented by the West”, so there’s no way of checking. 

Only a few specially selected government officials have access to the worldwide web however. 

And it’s not only the Kims that are credited with supernatural powers. 

For decades North Koreans have been told that the Japanese “stole time” from them during their occupation of the peninsula in 1919. 

This was rectified by Kim Jong-un however on August 15, 2015 – when he set the clocks back by half an hour.